Let’s Talk About What Matters: Coping with Grief, Illness, and Finding Meaning During the Holiday Season
Image courtesy of Samaritan.
By Phillip W. Heath, MS, President and CEO, Samaritan
We often associate the holiday season with a sense of wonder and joy – time with loved ones, bright lights and happy gatherings. But for those facing serious or life-threatening illnesses or coping with the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a season of mixed, conflicting emotions – happy times overshadowed by grief, and laughter replaced with sadness.
Grief and loss don’t wait for a convenient time – their presence arrives in the middle of seasonal songs, cultural traditions, and well-meaning invitations. Those wanting to decorate homes, cook meals, bake cookies, or host parties might feel pressure to “keep things normal,” even when nothing feels the same.
As the seventh of eight children, I grew up with holiday traditions of music, food, laughter and stories. I understand how deeply important rituals and celebrations are, and how hard it is when illness or grief reshape them.
After decades of working in health and senior care, I now navigate the holidays with compassion, understanding and flexibility. The individuals and families that Samaritan serves, as well as compassionate staff, have taught me the value of presence, compassion, and acceptance. Through each of them, I have learned that holiday grief is something to honor with respect and dignity. It is not something you can simply “fix.”
Today, I share some important tips for coping with loss during the holiday season, in the hope that you, a friend or loved one may find peace and comfort:
You Have Permission to Feel: The Power of Peace & Pause
Every emotion is valid. There is no wrong way to feel, no right way to grieve and no need to pretend or perform. I encourage you to seek joy in the little things, give yourself grace, and embrace the power of peace and choice during this season of giving.
* Scale back on activities if you want too.
* Realize it is OK to say “yes,” “no” or “I don’t know” to requests or invitations.
* Give yourself permission to change your mind or plan – even at the last minute.
* Set boundaries. Know what types and sources of stress impact you and focus on preventing or minimizing them.
* Celebrate or observe the holidays on your terms. Consider traditions you want to maintain and those you want to let go.
* Create new activities that honor your past and respect your reality.
Give The Gift of Compassion: No Receipt Required
The best and greatest gifts you can give others, and yourself, require no shopping or spending. Gifts that are given from the heart and shared with compassion and understanding often have the biggest impact and can help you cope with loss or illness in the most surprising ways.
* Call or write to a special loved one or ask someone to help you do so.
* Share a favorite memory during a quiet moment.
* Record a message or story for your family.
* Express your feelings. Others who are hurting will be grateful to share that experience with you.
* Journal your experience. Jotting down words or drawings in a notebook can help you move through your emotions and process your story.
* Be patient with yourself and others. Let go of expectations and embrace special moments, no matter how big or small they may be.
Be Open to Receiving Support: Wrap Yourself in Love and Care
When the holidays feel heavy, refocus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Being attuned to your own emotions, feelings and needs helps direct you towards a path of healing and growth.
* Rest when you need to – physically, mentally and emotionally.
* Ask for help – or solitude – without needing to justify or apologize.
* Consider your losses and needs. If fatigue makes attending winter festivals or holiday markets too taxing, choose meaningful alternatives, like listening to music or watching movies.
* Breathe deeply while focusing on the present.
* Process your thoughts and concerns with a trusted friend, family member, or healthcare professional. This is one of the most effective ways to practice compassionate self-care.
Grief is universal but highly personal. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, social and behavioral experience. Yet, it is important to remember that grief is not something you have to experience and face on your own. From loved ones, friends and family to professional grief counselors and support found through organizations such as The Samaritan Center for Grief Support or our Social Connections programs, there are many resources right in your community to provide care, counsel, and comfort as you navigate your grief experience.
The holiday season might not look or feel like it once did, and that is perfectly OK. Your experience matters and your grief is real, but you never have to go through it all on your own.
To learn more about Samaritan’s Center for Grief Support, Social Connections and other services, call our care team today at (856) 596-1600.
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